To judge or not to judge

I was always taught not to judge people. This is such an easy thing to say, right? How often do we see someone wearing something we do not fancy, eating too much, talking too much, drinking too much without judging them? So yes, we judge, it is part of our daily lives.

Having admitted that I sometimes judge people, now I can pass on my message to those guys or girls who are married or have children or both and who find themselves a temporary (because they only want to walk down the path of life for a while with them) partner, in shape of a person without a family: “Stop doing it, just stop it!” This is what I think every time I hear such a story. But this is like judging, meaning easy to say and hard to do.

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What if your day sucked?

“If you have a bad day, stop running! Breathe in and out and stop worrying, tomorrow will be different.”

This is what a sexy Spanish waitress told me today, out of the blue, after having helped me to remove spilled wine and less than 2 minutes later, spilled water from the pages of the book I was reading  while waiting for the food to be ready.

“My flight has been cancelled. My knee hurts. I spent most of the day in the airport. I had an awful day.”

“Remember what I told you for next time then!”

After dinner, she appeared out of nowhere for the second time and helped me put on my knee protection, then stood up and whispered in a rough voice: “Nice to meet you, love. Alexandra.”

I shook her hand, smiled, wished her good night and almost thought of becoming a lesbian.

Joke aside, I promised myself to stop worrying and to look for the positive side of each situation that seems to be negative, such as: Yes, my knee is hurt, but I don’t need surgery and will be back to normal in 6 weeks. Yes, my flight was cancelled, but I managed to book another flight very fast and met an amazing lady in the plane. Yes, I spilled wine on my new book, but this triggered good life advice and kind words from a person I barely knew!

Yes, I can be positive and smile after a rough day because pessimism never did any good to anyone I know!


Success smells like linden flowers

“He makes me feel inferior”, she thought, before shouting a storm of words. Before defending herself in order to try and make him realize that this was not the case.

He answered her in a rough voice, arguing, looking unhappy, giving her reasons not to believe in herself, reasons to feel inferior.

That was it! She was the one feeling inferior! This was the whole point! She had the feeling that he was making her feel inferior just because she did feel inferior! But the point is, she wasn’t!

She then remembered that she once promised herself to stop comparing herself to others. Why compare yourself? What will it bring? You will always find something the other person has that you don’t and start wishing for it!

After having this thought, she also remembered that you project yourself into the outside world exactly as you regard yourself. She could only appear to him as being inferior if this is how she felt about herself on the inside!

“I am not inferior! I did my best so far! I made my own decisions and assumed them! I should be proud of who I am and of what I achieved and I should not try to convince anyone of this if they are blind and do not see it!”

She decided to take her own path, to grow in the direction of her goals and to stop the argument, by thanking him for the input and nothing more. She did not need to prove anything anymore, because finally, she believed in herself, in her own powers, in her own success and it felt like walking under blooming linden trees .



What about weight?

It can be that I am skinny. Or fat. Or tall. Or short. Is there a perfect body, weight, height, a norm that we should try to fit in?

I think you know the answer, right? I hope that a categorical NO is jumping around in your head at the moment.

I am skinny, skinnier than skinny jeans, so who cares?

My mother, every week, when I call her: “Hello, how are you? I know you don’t eat enough, you should really eat more, you are way too skinny, what will you do if a disease hits you? Why do you never listen to me, I am your mother, I want the best for you, please, promise me that you will eat more.”

My boyfriend: “Haha, you are so skinny and still, you have some cellulitis spots! You need to eat more than me!” (Really? I should eat more than a guy who weighs double than me?)

My grandmother: “When will you come visit me? Did you put some weight on? I can’t wait for you to come, you should stay for at least 2-3 days, I will cook everything you like and you will get at least 1 or 2 kilos fatter. Do you like apple pie? Pancakes?”

My friends, when we go shopping: “Oh, the jeans are too big, your butt is too small, can I try those jeans on?”

My inner self: “You are too skinny, could it be that you are sick? Maybe you don’t eat enough. Maybe you don’t sleep enough. You shouldn’t wear dresses, your legs are too skinny.”

Today, while I was complaining that my doctor called me anorexic, saying I am too skinny, my colleague told me: “You are normal. I am normal. Everyone is normal. Why do people care about weight so much?”

She is right. Why do we care? I might have skinny legs. I might not be perfect. I might be underweight. Some might be overweight. Some might be tall. Some might be short.

Why do we always care about the things we cannot change? Why do we not have a voice in our head, telling us that we should love our bodies, given the fact that we are stuck with them until we die? Why do we not focus on other things, why do we not try to be outstanding and to create a positive impression with something else than our body?

I don’t want to say that one should eat junk food or not eat at all every day and be happy with it, I am just saying that we should accept ourselves, that there is nothing wrong in eating some chocolate from time to time, in being skinny or overweight, in looking in the mirror and being happy with it.

Either way, there will always be haters, so why should we care?


Guys are bastards and girls are weak

There is this girl in our office who literally kicks ass: she is smart, strong, gets what she wants during the meetings and I really admire her. Yesterday, I happened to sit next to her boyfriend, while he was talking to her on the phone. He shouted at her for at least 20 minutes, called her names and was very rude. I sat in silence together with 4 other colleagues while the boyfriend was treating her badly and was having an argument with her, with his phone on speaker. She did not object to anything, we could not hear her voice apart from some Ok, ok.

Then I wondered: Why do we (girls) accept this behavior? What is wrong with us? Why can we be strong when it comes to the job and not when it comes to choosing our boyfriend. Continue reading


After 4 weeks of fitness, I quit…

As my fourth week of practicing sport with the purpose of getting a bikini body comes to an end, I must say that looking back, many things have changed:

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Fitness journey week 2 – all my fears have been released

Dear Bikini Body,

I know that you are at least 2 months and a lot of healthy meals away, but I would really like to receive a sign from you, a sign saying that I can do it, that I am not aiming for the impossible by trying to transform the Regular Body I have now into a Bikini Body and a Super Mind.

Let me tell you why I don´t like about this Regular Body and Regular Mind I have right now:

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